


I'll Always Be Here, Forever

by Niccetje



Category: John Lennon - Fandom, McLennon - Fandom, Paul McCartney - Fandom, The Beatles
Genre: M/M, Magical Mystery Tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-20
Updated: 2012-11-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 03:14:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/568445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niccetje/pseuds/Niccetje
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But for all McLennon believers, what if it is not John’s childhood that he found words for, but his deep love for his companion – Paul McCartney."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Always Be Here, Forever

“Hey Macca, you done?” John had almost finished his cigarette and was waiting outside the Abbey Road Studios for Paul to come out. But it was not Paul who came out of the door to smoke a ciggy with him or whatever else but another studioworker, ready for the weekend. “He’s still recording something”, he said to John, pointing toward the building.  
He nodded toward him and went outside the fence, probably attending St John’s Wood Underground Station to go home and see his family, have supper with them and living a perfectly normal life.

John went back inside. He didn’t knock at the door, just stepped into the little control room in which George Martin sat. In a grumpy manner he was listening to Paul, taking notes on what he had done wrong. John couldn’t blame him – it was late and Paul was a perfectionist.  
“Hey, ol’ George”, he said and took a seat right next to him, looking at all the instruments in the room. “John.”, George muttered, not looking at him. “Good old McCartney hasn’t shaved in days and so have I. He keeps me awake the whole time. I really need to rest some.” He suppressed a yawn. 

John didn’t listen to his manager. He was watching Paul. “Just go home, George”, he finally said, not looking away from his Macca. “I’ll do this stuff. I know how it works, ye know.” George looked at him sceptically. “First you’ll have to stop staring, you have to look at the tools and not Paul’s crotch”  
John instantly blushed. “I was not, I mean.. I’m straight, ye know” He looked to the ground, playing nervously with his fingers. “I know. Of course you are.” George slightly padded John’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but I know your name’s not Brian.” He laughed at the old joke, grabbing his jacket. “See you on Monday”, he said and off he went.

“Hey, George, you still there? I’m not quite satisfied with this, maybe we could do some double dubbings on ‘Your Mother Should Know’? What do you think?” He was tired, John could perfectly see that. “Great idea, but we can still do that on Monday, Macca.”, he said into the little microphone. Paul’s eyes closed. “John, what are you doing here?” his voice softened – no, that was not the right word, John thought, but – yes – his voice became soft. Almost weak.  
“I’m your manager, and your manager tells you to go home and sleep some” a little smile occurred on his face.  
“With a certain person”  
Paul shook his head. “I want to finish this now. Do you know how to use these tools?”  
“I know some other tools to use, ye know.”  
Calm down, John, it’s just a joke. This is just a joke between you two, no need to worry. This will never actually happen.  
“Haha, do you, Johnny?” Paul laughed. “You better learn how to record me, quickly, mate! I’m tired ye see.”  
“Alright, alright.” John chuckled and searched for the right key. “I don’t think this’ll work, Macca”, he lied, having found the key instantly. “Yes, it will” Paul replied in a bitchy tone of voice. He hadn’t slept a blink and he needed to release some pressure – but first the album had to be finished.  
“Come on, Lennon!”  
“Paulie, let’s just go home, okay?” John was becoming anxious. He didn’t want to spill George’s leftover beer over the technique, but if he had to he would.  
“Just one take, Johnny! Please!” Paul was weak, and John knew exactly what he had to do to make him do what he wanted.  
“Make me” He said, leaning back into the comfy chair. “Think of something that’ll make me record you.”  
“Oh you bastard! Alright, what do you want me to say to you?” He lowered his voice in a theatrical way. “Oh, Johnny! You’re my hero! The only one who can help me! I love you!”

For a few moments there was silence on the other end of the wall. Paul didn’t see what was going on in there, from his point of view there was a mirror on the wall, but he knew that John could see him. Just like in the interrogation rooms he and John once had to visit for having burnt a condom in Hamburg. He smiled.  
“Why are you so calm, Johnny?” he asked. “John? O, come on!”

“You mean what you say?” said the voice behind the mirror. “You know, like for real?” Paul sighed, bruising through his dark brown hair. “Of course I do. You’re the one behind the magic desk, ye know.” He laughed nervously.  
“I mean the other thing you said.”  
“O, yes, of course. I did mean that too. You’re my hero – because you’re sitting behind the key to record the final take of this damn song, Johnny! Come on, let’s do this!”  
“You said you loved me.”  
Paul shivered. Had he said that for real?  
“Do you, Paulie?” There was a scent in John’s voice Paul couldn’t interpret. He could hear him breathing. He could almost see him, already wearing his jacket – ready for leaving –, Paul always thought it was some kind of mental linking between the two of them, but what he couldn’t see in his mind were John’s eyes.  
“Do you love me, John?” He didn’t want to answer his question. Not until John admitted.  
Silence.  
Then, a soft whisper – something Paul couldn’t understand.  
“I’m sorry, John, I didn’t get that. Would you repeat that for me?”  
“Make me.” John said.  
Paul sighed. “Alright, what do you want?”  
“Unbutton your shirt.”  
“What?!”  
“It’s all sweaty. Just do it.”  
“Would you give me your jacket, then? I guess it’ll be a tad too cold for me walking through London with no shirt”, he wiped the sweat on his forehead off with his left hand.  
“I’ll give it to you when we leave.”  
John’s voice was dark. Paul could also tell he had smoked a few cigarettes, probably while waiting for him. How often had he told him to just go home when he got tired? John knew that he could be in the studio for days without sleeping or even eating much. Why did he stay?  
“You can leave on your own, I’ll record this myself if you don’t get this done!” Change the subject, o yes, Paul – good idea.  
“I know you can’t.”  
Paul sighed, now sinking onto the floor and sitting there with his head held down.  
“All I have to do is press some buttons, we both know that. Why don’t you just leave and have yourself a nice evening with Yoko!”  
O, how that hurt. John felt it first. He clenched his teeth, holding tightly onto the arm chair, looking at his best friend. What had he just said? He had never liked Yoko, John knew, and avoided speaking of her.  
Paul was even more affected. He held his hands in front of his face – not crying, but close. He let go a whisper, filled with his hopelessness.  
“Why don’t you just leave me alone?”  
John couldn’t exactly hear him, he was sitting too far away from the microphone, but he felt what he had just said.  
“Paul, are you okay?”  
“Shut up, Lennon” Paul suddenly yelled, now revealing his tears.  
“Yes, I fucking meant what I said. I love you. For real. Are you satisfied?!”  
John was speechless.  
“Would you now care to just leave – me – alone?”  
John wouldn’t. The only thing he’d do was to jump out of the chair, open the door that connected the studio and the operator’s room and kneel down next to his best friend.  
“It’s alright, ye know”  
John didn’t know what he was doing. He didn’t know what he felt. He just knew it was strange – and suddenly he was not sure if his name was Brian.  
“Come on, let’s go home” he said, touching Paul’s shoulder. Paul shrugged. He didn’t move an inch.  
“I don’t want to go home.”  
His voice was one of a stubborn kid. He turned away from John, trying to hide his tears from him. But John quickly reacted, grabbing his head gently and turning it toward him.  
“Paul, you need to get some sleep, if you want to we can go on with this tomorrow morning!” Those were the words John wanted to say. But something strange didn’t want him to say such a thing. This same strange thing only allowed him to whisper “Paul, you ...” The other words were as quickly forgotten as John had come into the recording room.  
“I what?” were the words Paul wanted to say, but a strange thing prevented him to go further than “I ...” .  
They remained sitting on the floor, staring into each other’s eyes – John still holding Paul’s head in his hands, unable to move.  
“I ... I’m ... not Brian, ye know?” Paul managed to whisper.  
“Me neither”  
And then John moved forward, staring at Paul’s lips, biting his own, not sure what to do. It was Paul who drew him closer and closer, pulling him by his jacket that hung loosely from his shoulders, also staring at John’s lips.  
It was not until a minute later John couldn’t resist it anymore.  
He closed his eyes, revealing his lip from his teeth and then – very softly and gently – he touched Paul’s lips. O, how soft they were! So soft and warm and – all his thoughts were gone. He felt Paul shiver, anxiously waiting for John to do something. Paul himself didn’t know what it was or what good would it do for, but he wanted him to just do anything. Anything at all, this wasn’t just kissing some bird, it was kissing his best friend. But – o, how good it felt! 

Paul breathed in as John drew slowly away from him, holding his head still, tightening his hold of it.  
“Paul, breathe” he heard John’s voice from anywhere far away and then he opened his eyes again, blinking a few times. He let out his breath slowly.  
John looked a little worried, he thought. Then he seemed to relax a bit, running a hand through his hair nervously.  
“John, I ...” Paul began, still not able to look into John’s eyes.  
“O my ... Paul, I’m so sorry” John said as he noticed Paul was blushing, letting go of Paul’s head, drawing farther apart from his best mate.  
“I .. I think I’d better go now...” he said, giving Paul some space.  
“John, I ...” Paul was doing another attempt of getting John’s attention.  
“I shouldn’t have done this... You say you love me, but I’m a man, ye know, and you’re not gay” As he had said that word both of them shivered. “This ... is confusing for both of us, I guess.” He said, looking at Paul. “Maybe we should forget about this and just carry on like before?”  
He was watching him nervously, but Paul didn’t do anything. He just sat there, eyes closed again, looking like a bird. There was a sudden feeling in John’s chest that made breathing harder. It felt like he was going to cry, but he wasn’t. As long as he had himself under control he’d never cry in front of Paul.  
Then John stood up, slowly backing away.  
“See ye on Monday, I guess. Well, if you’re still in the band, that is.” He scratched his neck anxiously.  
“Please don’t hate me”, he said as he was already at the door.

“Wait”, Paul exclaimed, now looking straight into John’s eyes. John’s heartbeat quickened – he could feel it! I’m going to throw up, he thought, if he doesn’t stop looking at me like that.  
“Yes, Paul?” he said, softly.  
“John, I ...”  
“You don’t have to say anything at all, Paul. It’s alright, it was my fault.”  
“For Christ’s sake, just let me fucking say something!”  
Now John was silent, taking one step in the direction where Paul was still sitting on the carpet, hypnotized by his beautiful hazel eyes.

“John, I ... I ... I want this!” he whispered, not able to look at him anymore. He turned away. “I love you.”  
John felt his knees weaken and knelt down, resting a hand on both of Paul’s shoulders as he sat down directly behind him, not knowing what to say.  
“I want you, John”  
“I want you too, Paul”  
And then Paul turned toward John, both of them hypnotized by one another and their lips met for a soft and loving kiss.  
Closing his eyes slowly John drew his arms around Paul’s upper body, pressing it against him.  
As their lips parted, both of them were shivering.  
“Are you cold?” John asked, smiling weakly at his friend, feeling like crying. Paul only managed to nod, he couldn’t say anything, didn’t want to – John was so close and he felt like he was destroying the atmosphere if he actually said something right now.  
“Let’s get you a tea or something”, John said, offering Paul a hand.  
“Come on, we’re leaving. .... What?”  
Paul was still staring at John, his eyes were glazy and they quickly filled with tears.  
And then their lips met again, gently padding one another.  
“May I kiss you?” John whispered as he let go of Paul’s lips, caressing his back.  
“You already do, you fool!” Paul said in a bitchy tone of voice and both of them laughed.  
As their eyes met again both of them fell silent in an instant.  
“I love you” John said softly, and then he took Paul’s head with both of his hands and pulled him closer. Paul could feel John’s breath stroking his lips and suddenly he knew what John meant.  
“Please”, he said, closing his eyes, parting his lips a bit.  
John let go a sigh, inhaling Paul’s scent – a mixture of sweat, cigarettes – and Paul. 

And then they kissed – and this time it was not just touching each other’s lips. This time Paul allowed John’s tongue to enter his mouth, searching for his tongue. He smiled weakly – everything seemed so unreal to him, like in a dream. But this was not a dream, he though, this was a dream come true.  
Then the kiss grew more and more passionate, their tongues acted a playful fight, caressing each other in such a pleasing way, John already felt himself harden.  
“Paul ...” He moaned, grabbing Paul’s wrist.  
“How far do you want to go?”  
Suddenly, Paul bit his lower lip, lifting one hand to John’s chest. John couldn’t help but moan again, clenching Paul fully to his body, his skin touching every reachable spot.  
“I take that as a yes” he smiled.  
Then Paul stopped what he was doing, letting go of John’s chest. John allowed him to back away.  
He looked at him, eyes wandering from head to the bottom, resting at his crotch.  
“You got a hard-on, Johnny” Paul said nervously.  
“You, too, Paul.” John noticed, smiling. What did a simple kiss do to them?, he wondered. It was not like they had never kissed anyone before.  
Paul blushed, clearing his throat.  
“I better take care of yours, huh?” He said, his face becoming even more red, suddenly realizing what he had said.  
John watched him unbutton his belt. “You don’t have to do this”, he wanted to say, but then Paul’s hand was moving toward his member and he had to bite his lips to not groan.  
Paul grinned, touching him through the jeans, gently stroking.  
“Ugh ... Paul ...”  
John began moving against Paul’s hand, hardening even more.  
“You like that, huh?” Paul smiled, leaning over him, whispering in his ear.  
“Do you want me to touch you?”  
“O, you damn well know I do, you fool!” John moaned, leaning back against the wall.  
“I love you so bad, Paulie”, he said through his clenched teeth, closing his eyes.

And then Paul opened the jeans, revealing John’s dick, looking at it nervously.  
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want” John managed to say, but Paul only shook his head and cupped the tip with his fingers, touching it gently.  
He kissed John’s neck, now stroking up and down John’s cock, squeezing it.  
O, John was close, he could feel it. Only a little touch and he was so close, what to do now? Paul wiped away his thoughts and gave John a kiss, allowing him to wrestle with his tongue.  
“You better prepare yourself”, he said – he himself almost out of breath, although John hadn’t even touched him. “You’re close”.  
John nodded and opened his eyes, fixing Paul’s hazel eyes which were looking straight at his.  
And then, suddenly, Paul’s lips touched his cock, cupping the tip, his tongue gently moving around it and sucking the pre-cum.  
John’s eyes moved to the back of his head and he let go a groan.  
Paul was so good! He felt his tongue everywhere on his dick, his fingers stroking his balls.  
Just before he went over the edge, Paul stopped, smiling at him.  
John moaned unhappily, lifting a hand to Paul’s cheek and stroking it gently.  
“Wow”, he sighed.  
“You’re so good at this”, he said, now opening his eyes again. Paul had undressed.  
His pants were quite wet in the front area. John licked his lip once, then looking into Paul’s eyes, pulling him for a kiss.  
“You look delicious”, he said. His hand moved to Paul’s back, pulling him onto his lap.  
Then he kissed him again, moving his hands to his bum. Paul shivered but moved toward John’s hand, wanting more.  
“You want me to touch you, huh?” John smiled, earning a sigh. “I thought so.” Paul rested his head onto John’s shoulders, giving him little kisses.  
His hand went into Paul’s drawers, he touched his dick and Paul moaned.  
“You’re hot”, he said, squeezing Paul’s dick in his right hand, his left hand still resting on Paul’s bum.  
He massaged it. He felt Paul breath going quick against his shoulders.  
Then Paul began to move against his crotch slowly and they both moaned.  
John’s fingers drew little circles in Paul’s cheeks, caressing the hot flesh around the hole. Paul didn’t seem to notice, he was too afflicted of feeling John’s dick on his.  
Suddenly, he noticed something strange on his bum.  
“John, what the heck are you –“  
“Shush”  
John pushed a finger inside him.  
“Oh Johnny, please don’t – argh, don’t, stop –“  
Paul stopped all his movements and closed his eyes in both pleasure and pain.  
“Relax”, John whispered in his ear in his very low voice, kissing him on the neck.  
“You will be alright”  
Paul enclosed John’s finger. He was afraid. This feeling was new for him, strange, unknown. John felt so good, his naked body clenched to him – and his fingers inside him. Paul didn’t know what to feel.  
John moved further. He even pushed a second finger inside, watching Paul’s reaction.  
Paul looked stressed. His eyes were closed and his whole body shivered, but he didn’t seem to stop him. He was almost at asking him “Paul, are you alright? Shall we stop this?” but then his first finger touched something.  
Paul moved in his arms, pushing against his crotch and letting go a heavy groan.  
“O god, John ... what was that?” He asked with tears in his eyes.  
“Want me to do it again?” He touched his lips carefully.  
“Ugh... John, what are we going to do here?”  
And before he could ask further questions John pushed both of his fingers quickly inside, hitting the spot that made Paul feel like heaven.  
Tears ran down Paul’s cheeks and he let go a squeal of pain, but then the pleasure overwhelmed him.  
“What are you doing to me?” he asked, digging his fingers into John’s shoulders.  
“I’m going to make love to you” He whispered, kissing Paul once more.  
Paul nodded.  
“Are you afraid?” He asked softly, gently touching his cheeks, wiping away a teardrop.

Was he? Paul wasn’t sure. Was he excited? Oh yes, he was.  
“Will it hurt?” he asked unsurely, burying his cheeks in John’s hand, looking up to him with eyes wide-open. Fear in them.  
“I’m not sure.” John said honestly. “You can stop me anytime” He added.  
Paul nodded once more and then John moved his fingers, pushing against the spot, holding Paul with his other hand.  
He felt his pre-cum on his lap, mixing with his own.  
“Johnny..” Paul moaned, moving against John’s hard dick.  
“I’m so close o, fuck, Johnny!”  
John pulled his fingers outside. Paul shrugged.  
“Why did you stop?” he whined.  
John didn’t answer. He pushed Paul’s body, forcing him off his lap. “You don’t want to anymore..?” Paul asked unsurely.  
John only smiled. “Lay down” He said and put a hand on Paul’s chest, leading him down.  
“Are you sure?”  
Paul lay down, looking deeply into John’s eyes. The look on his face was not human, John thought, it was the expression of a bunny.  
“You bet” He answered, smiling. He blushed a little.  
“I love you” He then added, and then he moved down, kissing Paul on the eye wrinkle.  
“I’ll be careful, don’t worry.”  
His lips went further down, kissing first his nose, then the lips, the ear and then the chest. He licked Paul’s nipples, making them wet.  
Paul’s breath quickened.  
“Spread your legs”, John whispered, shoving his hand between Paul’s thighs.  
As he had done so, John lay down on Paul’s lap, making him bow against him, moaning.  
“John ...” He whispered, pulling John’s face to his.  
“Yes, luv?” Paul stared at him with a gazing look, his hazel eyes widespread and large, his lips slightly parted.  
He closed his eyes and pulled John’s lips to his, kissing him tenderly.  
His tongue twisted around John’s, causing his friend to sigh. The more passionate the kiss got, the more anxious John became.  
“Paul ...” he moaned into his mouth, shoving himself against Paul’s cock.  
Paul let go a groan, clenching his arms around his shoulders.  
“You want this, huh?” John managed to say, sweat standing on his forehead.  
“Yes ...” Paul moaned, “I want you so bad”  
And then John carefully removed Paul’s arms from his shoulders, spreading his legs even more and caressing Paul’s hole again.  
He gave him a kiss on the tip of his dick as his fingers entered him once more, moving around, pushing themselves against that sweet little spot that made Paul see stars and shiver.  
“I think that’s enough” He said more to himself than to Paul.  
He took his dick, wanked it a few times and placed it on Paul’s bum.  
“Look me in the eye”, he whispered, lifting Paul’s face to him.  
He looked at him lovingly, begging for another kiss.  
“I love you” John said, overwhelmed by the look on Paul’s face.

Then he slowly pushed inside him. Paul cramped, squeaking.  
“John ... please... it hurts”  
“Relax, love, relax” John stopped moving and kissed Paul again, burying all his love into this passionate kiss, stroking his cheek to make him feel comfortable.  
Paul started to shiver again, goosebumps were on his whole body.  
He started to relax.  
John moved farther. Paul cramped again.

O my god, how it hurts, how it hurts how it hurts, o Johnny please stop, Johnny please stop I can’t bear this you’re too – 

And then, suddenly, John was all inside him, feeling the warmth of his best friend, close.  
“Mmmh...” he whined, “you’re so tight and hot”  
Paul squeaked, moving his head wildly, his eyes in the back of his head.  
“Are you okay?” John asked, already out of breath by Paul’s beauty.  
Paul didn’t answer, but came for a kiss. A kiss that would distract him from all the pain he felt.  
And John did him that favour, making it the most passionate kiss he had ever given to anyone.

Suddenly, Paul opened his eyes again, parting their lips. He smiled at him weakly.  
“Move” he told him – and John did.

First slowly, then moving steadily faster.  
“John ...” Paul moaned, now the pain was almost gone.  
And then John found Paul’s sweet spot, he stroked it with the tip of his penis and Paul groaned. He slung his arms around John’s shoulders again, holding tightly onto them.  
“Ugh...” He couldn’t help but bite his shoulder. All the feelings he had, John inside him, his right hand still on his cheeks, the other one moving toward his dick that was clenched between their bodies.

John felt like heaven. Paul was so tight, so hot, so loveable. The look on his face, the sound he made every time he hit his spot were too much for him.  
He grabbed Paul’s cock and wanked it, squeezed it and felt Paul to be near his orgasm. He was shivering.  
“Paul ... Fuck ... I’m so close”, he whined, moving faster.  
“Ugh...”  
And then he exploded inside Paul, leaving his sperm inside him. 

O god, what is this, it feels so good, yet so bad, o Johnny, Johnny, Johnny-o, I love you – 

And then John managed to bend down and put Paul’s cock in his mouth, licking it passionately.  
“O my ...”  
Paul exploded in the heaviest orgasm he ever had. John was talented, he was good, he was everything.  
John sucked him out, looking up to him with a grin on his face. Paul couldn’t bear this. He glazed at him with his eyes wide open, his look full of love, and then his eyes closed and he blacked out.

* * *

 

The next thing he knew, he was lying in his bed. In his own bed. No one there, it seemed.  
His butt hurt, his dick hurt, his head hurt. What the hell had John done to him?  
Where was John?  
A cup of tea stood next to him and he sat up, drank a little and managed to stand up. Walk around, this’ll do you good, Paulie, he thought.  
And then the door swung wide open, he was blinded by the light at first, and then he recognized John with a tablet in his hands.  
“Paul! Hey... you’re awake” he whispered, placing the tablet on the little table next to the bed.  
Paul wanted to open his mouth, wanted to say something, but John was faster, pulled him in his arms and kissed him tenderly.  
“How are you?” He asked softly after their lips parted, stroking his cheek.  
“Fine”, he managed to say.  
“How did I get here?”  
“I brought you, you lad! You blacked out! Well, I can’t blame you –“ He smiled, placing another kiss on Paul’s cheek.  
“This was the best climax I ever had”, John smiled, now kissing his neck and throat.  
“John, what time is it? What day is it?”  
“It’s Saturday morning. You slept most of the night. You were awake some time, don’t you remember?”  
Paul relieved himself out of John’s arms and sat down on his big bed.  
“No, I don’t.” He said, now gazing at the tablet.  
“What did you bring here?” He asked.  
“Strawberries” John smiled. I went down to the market and they are really fresh! Taste them!”  
John took a bright red strawberry from the plate, parted Paul’s lips with his finger and pushed the fruit in.  
“And?” He looked at him with great eyes.  
“Mmh... delicious!” Paul winked at him and then he took another strawberry and put it into John’s mouth.  
“Mmh, you’re right, love” He took Paul’s hand and gave him a kiss on his index finger. “But you tasted much better last night ...”  
“Ugh, you’re disgusting!” Paul laughed nervously. Suddenly his head hurt.  
“Are you not feeling well?” John asked.  
“O, no need to worry, just a little headache. I’ll be fine.”  
Paul laid down and John followed him shortly after. Head on the chest, arms slung around his waist he breathed slowly.  
“Did you even sleep last night?” Paul asked, stroking through John’s dark hair.  
“I didn’t” John yawned, looking up to him lovingly.  
“Do you remember what you said last night? When you woke up, I mean?”  
Paul blushed instantly, not because of the question, but because of the expression on John’s face.

“Was it something bad?” He asked nervously.  
“Not at all” John smiled, giving him a kiss on his bare chest. O, what this man only could do to him with such a simple gesture.  
“But you’ll be as embarrassed as I was, as I know you.”  
He closed his eyes.  
“You told me you loved strawberries and that you loved me more than your strawberries. That’s why I brought strawberries. I love you.”  
Paul bend down, kissing him.  
“If I said that it must be right” He laughed, biting his lip. 

O god, did I actually say that? How embarrassing! I hope John doesn’t mind, he –

“I want to be with you.” John murmured, already half-asleep. “Cause I love you so bad. And I always will”

* * *  
John had left in the afternoon. Slamming the door he had almost bumped into Paul’s neighbour and shouted at him. Bad things. He had left without saying a word.  
Paul couldn’t blame him. After all, it was his fault.

o my god why did I tell him the truth why did I tell him just why. 

He needed a beer. Another one, to be exact. He already had had 4 or 5, he couldn’t even remember. He loved John, yes, of course he did. What good would it have done to first sleep with him and then cutting him off because he didn’t love him? 

Why can’t we just be normal, why, o why, o Johnny I love you so much but you’re a guy and I’m a guy and our names are not Brian .. o Johnny, Johnny-boy, I love you.

And then the tears streamed down his face. He didn’t care. His issue of The Daily Mail lay on his table. He took it and read it.

“An incident occurred in the late evening at Piccadilly Circus Underground Station. Two men were beaten by unknown perpetrators. Witnesses say these men were holding hands and kissing each other, which offended the culprits. One of the men died in hospital, the other one is still in a coma.”

He threw the newspaper to the wall. 

Why, why o why do these things happen? Why? Johnny they’ll beat us they’ll beat us to death and there’s nothing we can do about this and o Johnny how I love you

He took another sip.

I want to be with you, Johnny, o believe me I do but we can’t be together, Johnny... You know I love you, o how I love you, I can’t live without you but I just can’t –

And then he cried himself to sleep.

* * *

John came to the studio on Monday afternoon. He spoke to Ringo an George, but he couldn’t see Paul anywhere.  
“Where is he?” he asked, but both his companions just shrugged their shoulders. 

“I wrote a song” he then said, after letting out his breath of both relief and disappointment. “We won’t need Macca for this. We can all do it ourselves” he said, handing out the sheets of paper.  
“What is it about? This makes no sense!” George exclaimed, raising the paper.  
“My childhood indeed made no sense”  
And then they went to work.

* * *

December 1980, McCartney’s home.

Paul was asleep, dreaming of nothing. Linda was gone, like always since he stopped sleeping with her. He just couldn’t anymore.  
He awoke some time later, when he felt he was missing something – an arm around his stomach, a jaw nuzzling into his shoulder, he didn’t know.  
He couldn’t see anyone.  
He sighed, leaning back into the pillows, burying his head into them. He was close to crying. He didn’t want to. He didn’t know why. Perhaps because he was all alone again, on his own, no one to comfort him. O, how he wished someone was there right now.

A lazy arm drew around his waist. Paul shrieked in surprise, trying to turn around, but the arm held him right where he was.  
There was a body that was bending over him, breathing steadily.  
He wanted to scream, panicking, but his face was in the pillows and he couldn’t move. No one would hear him anyway, he was all alone, at last.  
His feet were trembling, his knees weakening, he couldn’t do anything at all, he was afraid of blacking out.

Then the arms drew apart, letting Paul move around, looking toward whoever lay in his bed in the middle of the night who was not his wife.  
As he saw the well-known face, he stopped in his movements.  
“What are you...” but John only shook his head, not allowing him to speak.  
His hand found its way to his face, stroking Paul’s cheeks. He looked at him lovingly, his facial expression Paul couldn’t stand. He drew his hand away, looking at his friend’s bare chest.  
“Tell me, please”, he whispered, eyes filling with tears.  
But John didn’t say anything at all, he came closer and closer and closer. Their noses bumped together and Paul closed his eyes. He didn’t want this. Not after all that had happened.  
“No, John”, he whispered, moving apart, but John held him there, hands at his waist.  
He kissed him.

Paul wanted to hit him, shout at him – wanted him to get the hell out of his house – but he couldn’t. His eyes still closed his hand moved to the back of John’s head, drawing him even closer than he was just now.

O Johnny, it’s been a long time since ... I hurt you... I’m so sorry and ... you hurt me ... and ... Johnny ... all I thought of in all those years was only you

John slid his tongue over Paul’s lower lip, begging for entrance to his mouth. His hands moved to Paul’s chest, caressing it.  
He sighed, parting his lips and had no time to rest, John was kissing him passionately, bumping their tongues together. His member suddenly started to twitch and he wanted to press himself against John, but he controlled himself.

O Johnny ... you are so soft and warm and hot ... I want all of you ... I ... I don’t know what to do, Johnny... Oh Johnny, why do you still confuse me after all these years?

John’s kisses became lazy, they were not so rough anymore. Their lips parted, both of them already out of breath, Paul looked right into John’s eyes now – o, how dark they were! So dark and sexy and ...  
John smiled at him softly, moving his hand which was still lying on Paul’s waist between the thighs of his former best friend.  
He didn’t seem to be surprised of Paul’s arousal, he just grinned at him lazily when Paul let go a moan and shoved himself against John’s hand.  
“F...Fuck...”, Paul exclaimed, holding his breath, letting it go very slowly to not spill at that very touch. It had been a long time, after all.

Now John took Paul’s hand, leading it to his lips, kissing them once, and then bringing them to his own erection. He looked at Paul, not saying a word at all.

“What are we doing here, Lennon?” Paul asked, his fingers sliding over John’s boxers, aching to feel his cock without any piece of cloth.  
John kissed him – warm, damp lips touching each other, hot tongues encircling one another, aching to feel each other after such a long, long time.

John forced Paul into the pillows, placing himself upon his thighs, bending down to caress Paul’s chest with his tongue. His tongue flickered over a nipple here and there, leaving smacks on each bare spot, his hands still on his cock now starting to move.

Johnny... What are you doing...? We should stop ... better stop here before it’s too late... you’re married... I’m married... but, o fuck, how good you feel right now...

John moved farther down, leaving his kisses on Paul’s stomach, making his lover groan. He pulled down his pants – with his teeth. Paul couldn’t anymore.  
“Please... John...” he begged, burying his fingers in his lover’s hair.  
And John took his throbbing member in his mouth, first the tip – and his tongue started working. He explored Paul’s dick, digging into the little hole on the tip and then licking his whole shaft – slowly, but passionate.  
“I want you so bad...” Paul whispered, clenching his teeth together as his whole dick was in John’s mouth and his lover started sucking, moving his head up and down between Paul’s hairy legs, looking up into the hazel eyes he had loved for so long.

John stopped sucking, placing himself between Paul’s widespread legs, chest to chest, breath to breath – but they didn’t kiss. Not yet.  
How long hadn’t they looked into each other’s eyes, seeing the beauty in each other? How long had it been since Paul confessed his love to John back in the studio at Abbey Road? Maybe 12 years? How long had it been since the Beatles split up? 9 years? How many years hadn’t they seen each other, how many times had both cried, longing to feel the other one in this very way? How long had it been since both of them felt actual love? 

John was badly hurt after Paul had told him he couldn’t be with him, and so was Paul. His feelings had been strong – very strong, and that very moment as John lay on top of him, starting to rub against him, his moans in his ear, his face in front of him his love grew even more – but his fear had been stronger.

Paul let out a groan, John’s dick rubbing against him, his movements made him lose his control. He grabbed John’s face, pulling him to his own, kissing him wildly. Their tongues wrestled, their cheeks flushed, their eyes closed. Paul moaned into John’s mouth, already nearing his orgasm.  
“I’m close...”, he smiled weakly, excited about the passion in his lover’s eyes he was facing. And then John stopped thrusting against him, got off him.

His finger slid over Paul’s cock, wanking it a few times before moving farther down, exploring Paul’s bum, grabbing harshly onto the round and lovely cheeks.  
His tongue found the delicate opening, encircled it a few times, making it wet, before sliding in, causing Paul to groan.  
“No ...” Paul exclaimed, already out of breath. “I want you ...”, he managed to say before John’s touch overwhelmed him. He felt he wasn’t able to say a thing.  
John looked in his eyes lovingly, searching for his approval, but Paul only nodded, confirming what he had just said. He wasn’t ready, he knew it – he knew it would hurt.

Johnny... I need to feel ... I need to feel you ... It will hurt, o, how it will hurt, much worse than our last time, but anything for you ... I still love you, you know ... o Johnny...

John smiled, placing him right where Paul wanted him. “Come here..” Paul whispered, begging for a kiss – a kiss that would distract him, like the other time. And John did him that favour. He bent down, kissing him, his tip stroking his hole, almost entering it. It was Paul who grabbed his bum, forcing him in, drawing him closer and closer.

O, this pain ... this pain ... this is too much ... Johnny... Johnny... I’m about to pass out ... Johnny... oh fuck... how it hurts! How it hurts! It hurts! Johnny... Help me! O Johnny... how good it will feel in a minute, o, how good you will feel! 

His eyes closed, his body shivered, he cramped, he almost bit John’s tongue, but John kissed him lazily, putting all his emotions in that one kiss, sliding his hand over his head, his cheeks, his chest, his lover – and Paul slowly relaxed, still hurting – one could tell easily – but he broke the kiss, staring at him with his beautiful hazel eyes – full of both love and pain.  
He grabbed harshly onto John’s waist and pulled him in all the way, he tried to relax.

I need you ... I need you inside me ... O Johnny, how long has it been since I felt you? Your damp lips on mine, your touch ... your breath on my skin – how long? Tell me? Was it as horrible for you as it was for me?

He bleed, he hurt, he whined. His eyes filled with tears, his whole body shivered, his hands searched for a hold, finding John’s shoulders and digging into them, pulling his head to him, begging for another kiss. Bumping their noses together, John smirked at Paul’s lips, flicking his tongue over them.  
“Move...” Paul whispered, his teeth clenched together, his eyes still closed, tears running down his cheeks.

John’s penis stroked his anal wall, his stomach hit his own erection every time he thrusted against him. Paul still didn’t feel comfortable, he clenched his fists into John’s shoulders, kissing him harder. Then John hit something and he cramped, the pleasure overwhelmed him, suppressing the pain he still felt, but – o, how good it felt all of a sudden!  
He felt his orgasm nearing – he didn’t want to, not now, he wanted to enjoy it, he wanted John to wear him out, he wanted him to fall asleep beneath him of exhaust – he didn’t want him to go. He just had to get control, he had to ...

John thrusted against him hard. He hit his spot again, seeing sparkles himself. Paul was so tight, so loveable, so cute. His reactions, his eyes, the goosebumps on his skin, Paul’s everything.  
“I don’t ... I don’t want to ...”  
And then Paul spilled all over his stomach, groaning deeply, forcing John for a kiss, hips thrusting up against him one last time and then his orgasm hit him hard, it hit him so hard he almost faded out, but he forced himself to not black out like last time.  
John felt himself enclosed by Paul, his warm semen on his stomach, his hot tongue in his mouth, he let go a groan, kissing Paul harshly, and then he spilled inside Paul, he felt his body spasm once more, and then all that remained was pleasure.

Paul tried his best to not black out, but when John slid out of him, kissing him lazily, wiping the cum off Paul’s chest, comforting him by putting his arms around him, Paul just closed his eyes.  
“Promise you’ll be still here when I awake...” he begged, grabbing John’s hand. “Because I love you, Lennon” he whispered, his mind already wandering, tracing away, not knowing where to go, it didn’t matter, as long as John was with him.  
“I’ll always be here, forever”  
John smiled, placing one last kiss on his lover’s lips, his eyes filled with tears and he started sobbing.  
Then he was gone.

 

 

Paul sat in his armchair, rocking back and forth. It was night, John had left him – he knew.  
He turned on the radio. Beatles. It had been a week since John was dead and they played the old songs around the clock. It was already 1am.  
The next morning when the reporters asked him ‘have you heard the latest news?’ he had prepared himself to say ‘it’s a drag’ and had meant it with all his heart.  
He sighed, taking a great sip from his glass of wine.

Let me take you down ‘cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields

O, Paulie my little baby... my love ... don’t worry, everything will be alright, I love you, you know. Just lay back and I’ll soothe you to sleep, just relax. 

He remembered the fun times he had had with John. He thought a lot about John lately. His eyes were dry. He just couldn’t let himself cry. John wouldn’t want this.

Nothing is real, and nothing to get hung about

No one is in our tree, my honey; I don’t give a shit what the others say o Paulie I love you so bad I want to be with you, just with you o Paul why couldn’t you admit it. 

He imagined what a life he could have had with John. If he hadn’t been such a dumbass back then, that was. He had destroyed everything. Why hadn’t he just told John how much he wanted to be with him?

It all seemed so real right now. He hadn’t liked that song back then. It was too surreal. John confused him, every time. And still.  
He wrote the last line. He had finished. And suddenly, he began to cry. The tears streamed down his face, he looked out of the window and up to the stars.  
“You were here today”, he whispered, lips all sticky and wet.

Strawberry Fields Forever.

I’ll always be here, forever

**Author's Note:**

> No Betas-


End file.
